Also featuring the greatest ever tennis drop-shot, Hamit Altintop's mindblowing volley and a brilliant 800m comeback

1) Is there a finer sight than the baseball manager having a meltdown? This perky fellow acts like a four-year-old, is ejected from the game, acts like a three-year-old and then decides to give something back to the fans.

2) Another week, another OTT Scandinavian goal celebration. This time Finnish side Jaro roll out the 'Lady Gaga' (Estesark also spotted this one shortly after us, you can collect your spotters' badge below).

3) One of the all-time great batting collapses as Surrey, chasing 237 to beat Lancashire in the 1993 B&H Cup, reach 212-1 when ...

4) Forget Roger Federer's flurry of through-the-legs winners: Victor Hanescu offers up some US Open magic of his own (SpartakKapokovic also gets dibs for this).

5) How to score a goal very, very quickly.

6) Jenson Button and Lewis Hamilton attempt to put a Formula One car together. Yes, it's part of a cynical marketing ploy by a certain mobile phone company but the pair seem to be having a genuinely good time and our hearts are duly warmed. Curse you advertising men!

1) Fiona Pocock is trotting towards the try line in the Women's Rugby World Cup and then Nicole Beck decides to intervene...

2) Oh, for the days when commentators said what they really thought.

3) Spurs's new signing Rafael van der Vaart is so good he can create goals at both ends of the pitch, although you probably wouldn't want to sit next to him on the bench.

4) Now nobody likes losing a penalty shoot-out but is it really worth taking a shinty ball to your (helmetless) head?

5) Hamit Altintop went all the way to Kazakhstan and all he got was this mindblowing volley.

6) Our last badge goes to rowingrob, who makes a late, late burst for glory. But not nearly as late and glorious as becapped 800m genius Dave Wottle at the 1972 Olympics.

Spotters' badges: JimmyTheMoonlight, DamTomsk, kayakking, scottyirnbru, leonarpe, Estesark, rowingrob, SpartakKapokovic.

]]> http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/sep/09/us-soldiers-afghan-civilians-fingers Wed, 08 Sep 2010 20:11:00 -0500 http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/sep/09/us-soldiers-afghan-civilians-fingers

Soldiers face charges over secret 'kill team' which allegedly murdered at random and collected fingers as trophies of war

Twelve American soldiers face charges over a secret "kill team" that allegedly blew up and shot Afghan civilians at random and collected their fingers as trophies.

Five of the soldiers are charged with murdering three Afghan men who were allegedly killed for sport in separate attacks this year. Seven others are accused of covering up the killings and assaulting a recruit who exposed the murders when he reported other abuses, including members of the unit smoking hashish stolen from civilians.

In one of the most serious accusations of war crimes to emerge from the Afghan conflict, the killings are alleged to have been carried out by members of a Stryker infantry brigade based in Kandahar province in southern Afghanistan.

According to investigators and legal documents, discussion of killing Afghan civilians began after the arrival of Staff Sergeant Calvin Gibbs at forward operating base Ramrod last November. Other soldiers told the army's criminal investigation command that Gibbs boasted of the things he got away with while serving in Iraq and said how easy it would be to "toss a grenade at someone and kill them".

One soldier said he believed Gibbs was "feeling out the platoon".

Investigators said Gibbs, 25, hatched a plan with another soldier, Jeremy Morlock, 22, and other members of the unit to form a "kill team". While on patrol over the following months they allegedly killed at least three Afghan civilians. According to the charge sheet, the first target was Gul Mudin, who was killed "by means of throwing a fragmentary grenade at him and shooting him with a rifle", when the patrol entered the village of La Mohammed Kalay in January.

Morlock and another soldier, Andrew Holmes, were on guard at the edge of a poppy field when Mudin emerged and stopped on the other side of a wall from the soldiers. Gibbs allegedly handed Morlock a grenade who armed it and dropped it over the wall next to the Afghan and dived for cover. Holmes, 19, then allegedly fired over the wall.

Later in the day, Morlock is alleged to have told Holmes that the killing was for fun and threatened him if he told anyone.

The second victim, Marach Agha, was shot and killed the following month. Gibbs is alleged to have shot him and placed a Kalashnikov next to the body to justify the killing. In May Mullah Adadhdad was killed after being shot and attacked with a grenade.

The Army Times reported that a least one of the soldiers collected the fingers of the victims as souvenirs and that some of them posed for photographs with the bodies.

Five soldiers – Gibbs, Morlock, Holmes, Michael Wagnon and Adam Winfield – are accused of murder and aggravated assault among other charges. All of the soldiers have denied the charges. They face the death penalty or life in prison if convicted.

The killings came to light in May after the army began investigating a brutal assault on a soldier who told superiors that members of his unit were smoking hashish. The Army Times reported that members of the unit regularly smoked the drug on duty and sometimes stole it from civilians.

The soldier, who was straight out of basic training and has not been named, said he witnessed the smoking of hashish and drinking of smuggled alcohol but initially did not report it out of loyalty to his comrades. But when he returned from an assignment at an army headquarters and discovered soldiers using the shipping container in which he was billeted to smoke hashish he reported it.

Two days later members of his platoon, including Gibbs and Morlock, accused him of "snitching", gave him a beating and told him to keep his mouth shut. The soldier reported the beating and threats to his officers and then told investigators what he knew of the "kill team".

Following the arrest of the original five accused in June, seven other soldiers were charged last month with attempting to cover up the killings and violent assault on the soldier who reported the smoking of hashish. The charges will be considered by a military grand jury later this month which will decide if there is enough evidence for a court martial. Army investigators say Morlock has admitted his involvement in the killings and given details about the role of others including Gibbs. But his lawyer, Michael Waddington, is seeking to have that confession suppressed because he says his client was interviewed while under the influence of prescription drugs taken for battlefield injuries and that he was also suffering from traumatic brain injury.

"Our position is that his statements were incoherent, and taken while he was under a cocktail of drugs that shouldn't have been mixed," Waddington told the Seattle Times.

• US military
• United States
• Afghanistan

]]> http://www.guardian.co.uk/tv-and-radio/tvandradioblog/2010/sep/08/derren-brown-television Wed, 08 Sep 2010 17:29:00 -0500 http://www.guardian.co.uk/tv-and-radio/tvandradioblog/2010/sep/08/derren-brown-television

We're following Derren Brown's Hero at 30,000 Feet live from 10pm tonight. Join us for 70-minutes of mindbending TV and the obligatory "Did that just happen?" moments

Pre-show preamble...

During his previous series of mindbending specials, Derren Brown was pretty clear about what he was going to do - beat a casino, guess the lottery numbers (although whether he did so is, of course, less clear), and generally keep us entertained with his bonkers but highly entertaining mix of misdirection and showmanship. This evening's events are rather murkier around the edges, but I think we can be pretty hopeful of seeing something we won't have seen before.

Brown is apparently going to take an ordinary person and set them a series of challenges - the biggest one will be to decide whether to take control of a Boeing 737 full of passengers set to crash at 500mph. As you do.

Here's a video released to the Guardian this afternoon, which gives a little bit more of a feel for the show - but basically, we don't know what to expect. I'll be here from 10pm, so join me then as we find out more, and don't forget to add your comments below.

9.57pm: Derren has appeared on Big Brother - he's live from Leeds/Bradford airport standing next to a very large plane. I'm in Huddersfield right now, he should definitely stop by for a cup of tea afterwards.

10.01pm: Right, we're off. I'm very much hoping for a show stuffed with what Derren does best tonight - hypnosis and mentalism. Fascinating as his illusion skills are, in my opinion his shows like Mind Control, Trick or Treat and one-off specials like The Heist are where he is truly brilliant. It's often disturbing and surreal – I watched the episode of Tricks of the Mind where the guy ends up in the zombie video game again today, and it's seriously messed up – but you can always be sure of seeing something remarkable.

According to Derren Brown's blog, tonight's show is about "engaging with life and understanding that it is the choices we make right now that define us, not what we've done in the past. One unwitting volunteer gets to have a deep understanding of this, and for him to experience real and lasting change, I have to push him to the extreme."

Sounds pretty interesting, no?

10.03pm: Our hero for the evening is Matt. He is ordinary, has an unremarkable job in an insurance callcentre in Leeds, and hates flying. In a staged exercise at the audition, he doesn't point out that there is smoke coming under the door, since he would apparently rather keep his head down than risk mild embarrassment by raising his hand and saying "ahem, excuse me, Mr Brown, it's possible we're all about to die in a blazing inferno".

10.08pm: Derren has been trailing him for a month. He is robbed at gunpoint in a petrol station as a way for Derren to get him to think about his choices in life and give him the opportunity to reveal his true capabilities. In my day your mum just gave you a good talking to.

Derren leaves a jack-in-the-box on Matt's doorstep. I hate clowns, and that's just weird.

10.11pm: In phase 2, Derren rocks up in Matt's bedroom, gets him out of bed and starts messing with his mind. If my spelling all goes to crap, it's because I'm trying to watch and type at the same time, don't want to miss anything.

10.14pm: Derren's infiltration of Matt's mind appears to have made no difference to his dress sense, which is part Ali G, part Dexy's Midnight Runners.

10.18pm: Mixed early reviews from the comment box. Interesting insight from @WalkerboyUK, who was also at the auditions.

10.20pm: Derren gets Matt out of bed again - I'm concerned about his ability to land a crashing plane after so little sleep. It's hard to know if Matt is actually asleep/in a hypnotic state or just doing as he's told because it's Derren Brown. I went up on the stage during one of Derren's show a couple of years ago and have little recollection of what happened up there, other than it all felt very relaxed and comfortable and dreamlike. So who knows?

Matt is feeling the power of a crocodile, as a slightly extravagant metaphor for bravery and positive thinking. This doesn't happen much in West Yorkshire.

We hope to now see him coming out of his shell. He still owns that hat, which Derren seriously needs to sort out with some "look into my eyes" mindbendery.

10.26pm: As a result of Matt's foray into the wilds of Yorkshire with a crocodile and a quick chat about being a policeman, he's found a policeman's wallet and keys, gone to the policeman's house and let himself in to have a rummage through the fridge. There is suspciously little sign of coffee and Krispy Kremes, so it's clearly not an actual policeman's house. Matt makes himself at home with a crime porn DVD, and then the policeman comes home.

I suspect this is the point at which Matt wonders what the bloody hell he's doing there, and curses Derren Brown from here to Halifax.

10.30pm: Yes, I agree that it's been a bit silly up to this point, but I refuse to believe that this is is all a bit fishy and staged with actors. What would be the point? Derren Brown is far better than that.

10.35pm: On another day, Matt has the chance to spread joy and kindness. He is doing this by continuing to dress as a slack-jawed Aston from JLS. Oh no, that's not it. He meets a complete stranger with a broken-down van full of party supplies who hates his life, and gives him a lecture about becoming a chef and following his dream. Matt then takes his profferred van and seizes the opportunity to throw a street party for his neighbours.

It's like the worst cringeworthy moment in the worst soap in the world ever. Now he's just creepy. Derren, leave the boy alone.

10.41pm: In his new haze of happiness and positive thinking, Matt lets Derren put him in a straightjacket and tie him to railway tracks. I don't know about you, but it's definitely what I do when I'm having a good day.

Apparently there is a train coming. I'm not sure that Network Rail would be entirely happy about this, so I'm guessing that's not actually the case. Oh look, there's the world's slowest train. Hmm.

NO, MUST NOT BE SCEPTIC. MUST. NOT. I BELIEEEEEVE.

10.51pm: I'm really hoping this has a blinding ending. Matt is checking in for his flight - all the passengers are actors (there is life after The Bill, clearly), but the crew and pilots are real. This is reassuring, I don't want my plane flown by a guy whose only experience of handling an emergency is driving an ambulance in Holby City.

Matt's not looking like he's having fun. He's not big on flying. I feel his pain.

10.56pm: The captain is sick, and it's all getting a bit tense. Someone gasps, a clear indicatior of tension and worth the Equity card all on its own. Matt looks like he's shitting bricks.

Panic is setting in. The captain is incapacitated and can't land the plane. It's horrible. I have goosebumps.

10.58pm: "And then a hero comes along/with the strength to carry on/and you cast your fears aside/and you find you can survive...". Damn, missed opportunity for musical interlude there. Cowell would have totally done it.

Derren hypnotises Matt, when he wakes up he'll be landing a simulator, convinced he's still in the flying plane. Is anyone still with me?

It's a fairly elaborate stunt, if you think about it. What if it had got to this point and Matt had decided to browse the cheap fags in the in-flight magazine instead? Or just jiggle his rosary beads? I suspect he would have been dragged into the cockpit by his ear.

11.06pm: OK, here's the thing. Everyone on the plane is an actor, so they're clearly not going to volunteer to land the plane. Matt doesn't want to volunteer either, but there's a member of the cabin crew hanging over him pretty much saying "it's all down to you, Matt, or we're going to DIE". He hardly jogged up the aisle going "Pick ME!, Pick ME!, did he? Wouldn't we ALL have done what Matt did?

I don't know anymore. I think Derren has messed with my head. I'm not actually in a crap hotel in Huddersfield at all. I'm actually dancing up a train track in a straightjacket with a crocodile, being chased by a very slow train.

But let's look at the positives. Matt's got a free van and some party balloons. Cabbies in Leeds take him anywhere he wants to go for free. He's not wearing that stupid hat anymore, and is probably better in bed. He no longer lives with is mum. On the downside, he thought he'd landed a plane in a heroic fashion and saved the lives of hundreds of people, and then found out it was only telly. Which is kind of annoying, when you think about it.

So what did you think? Bored? Blown away? Thanks all for joining in - looks like there might be another show in 30 days, will you be watching?

• Derren Brown
• Television

]]> http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/datablog/2010/sep/08/worlds-top-100-universities-2010 Wed, 08 Sep 2010 11:53:00 -0500 http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/datablog/2010/sep/08/worlds-top-100-universities-2010

Cambridge is now the world's top university, according to a new report, which knocks Harvard from the top spot. See how it compares with the world's top 100 universities here
• Get the 2010 data
• Get the 2009 data

Harvard today forfeits first place to the University of Cambridge in a league table of the world's top institutions, the first time in the list's seven year history that the Ivy League university has been knocked off the number one spot.

The QS table is based on measures of research quality, graduate employability, teaching and how international the faculties and student bodies are.

Harvard was still most popular among the 5,000 employers polled worldwide, but Cambridge was voted best for research quality in a survey of 15,000 academics and took overall first place. The rankings also use citation counts from a database of academic publishing.

The Times Higher Education magazine, which is publishing its own global university rankings next week, is no longer collaborating with QS. The magazine is concerned that these rankings rely too heavily on subjective surveys of scholars and employers and not enough on hard indicators of excellence. The THE's new rankings are expected to contain disappointing news for some prestigious British institutions.

Some of the key UK losers this year are:

• University of Oxford down to 6 from 5 last year
• University of Edinburgh, down two places to 22
• University of Lancaster, down from 161 to 182

However, some are doing better, notably University of Durham, up to 92 from 103 last year.

Thanks to QS, we've got the top 100 for you to play with - you can download it below. What can you do with the data?

• DATA: download the full spreadsheet

• Search the world's government with our gateway

Flickr Please post your visualisations and mash-ups on our Flickr group or mail us at datastore@guardian.co.uk

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• University of Cambridge
• University guide
• Higher education
• New universities
• University of Oxford
• University of Edinburgh
• Lancaster University
• Durham University

]]> http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/sep/08/hillary-clinton-plan-to-burn-quran-disrespectful Wed, 08 Sep 2010 07:31:00 -0500 http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/sep/08/hillary-clinton-plan-to-burn-quran-disrespectful

Pastor Terry Jones to go ahead with Qur'an burning day despite Hillary Clinton saying plan is disrespectful and disgraceful

The gun-toting pastor at the centre of international outrage over his plans to stage a Qur'an burning day to mark the 9/11 attacks says he is determined to go ahead in the face of fierce condemnation from the Obama administration.

The Rev Terry Jones said more than 100 death threats would not put him off Saturday's event, when he plans to lead the burning of 200 copies of the Muslim holy book at his Dove World Outreach Centre in Gainesville, Florida.

"If we don't do it, when do we stop backing down?" he told ABC television. "It's something we need to do, it's a message we need to send."

He confirmed he would be armed during the event. "We are prepared to give our lives for this," he said.

Hillary Clinton, the US secretary of state, led condemnation of the planned burning, describing it as a "disrespectful, disgraceful act". Others in the administration weighed in, including Eric Holder, the attorney general, who called it idiotic and dangerous. A state department spokesman called the planned protest "un-American".

The plans have been greeted with alarm in the Middle Eastern press. Lebanon's Daily Star said they were "likely to ignite a fire of rage that could consume swathes of the globe", while United Arab Emirates paper the Khaleej Times describe the planned burning as "rabid and insane".

David Petraeus, the US and Nato commander in Afghanistan, warned of retaliatory action against US troops after protests took place in the capital Kabul at which effigies of Jones were burned alongside the American flag.

White House spokesman Robert Gibbs echoed the concerns raised by Petraeus. "Any type of activity like that that puts our troops in harm's way would be a concern to this administration," Gibbs said.

Jones said he "understood" those concerns but would press ahead anyway.

"Instead of us backing down, maybe it's time to stand up. Maybe it's time to send a message to radical Islam that we will not tolerate their behaviour," he told Associated Press.

At a meal last night marking the breaking of the Ramadan fast at the state department, Clinton said: "We sit down together for this meal on a day when the news is carrying reports that a pastor down in Gainesville, Florida, plans to burn the holy Qur'an on September 11. I am heartened by the clear, unequivocal condemnation of this disrespectful, disgraceful act that has come from American religious leaders of all faiths, from evangelical Christians to Jewish rabbis as well as secular US leaders and opinion-makers.

"Our commitment to religious tolerance goes back to the very beginning of our nation. Many of you know that in 1790, George Washington wrote to a synagogue in Newport, Rhode Island, that this country will give 'to bigotry no sanction, to persecution no assistance'. The real story of Islam in America can be found in this room and rooms across America. We write it tonight in the spirit of fellowship and the celebration of goodwill that is a hallmark of Ramadan. We will write it in the months and years to come as we continue to reach out to engage people around the world in a search for common ground, common understanding and common respect."

This week, hundreds of Afghans protested outside a Kabul mosque and chanted "Death to America". Members of the crowd pelted a passing US military convoy with stones before being ordered to stop by protest organisers.

On Saturday thousands of Indonesian Muslims demonstrated outside the US embassy in Jakarta and in five other cities to protest against the church's plan. Dove World made headlines last year after distributing T-shirts that said "Islam is of the Devil". The church has been denied a permit to set a bonfire but has vowed to proceed with the burning.

In a joint statement US religious leaders condemned what they described as an "anti-Muslim frenzy" in America. They said this had been whipped up in part by "misinformation and outright bigotry" in response to plans to build an Islamic community centre and mosque close to the site of the 9/11 attacks in New York.

On the plans to burn the Qu'ran the leaders, including Washington Roman Catholic archbishop emeritus Cardinal Theodore McCarrick, Rabbi David Saperstein, head of the Union for Reform Judaism, and Dr Michael Kinnamon of the National Council of Churches said they were "appalled by such disrespect for a sacred text".

• United States
• Islam
• Hillary Clinton
• Religion

]]> http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2010/sep/07/switzerland-england-euro-qualifier-live Wed, 08 Sep 2010 04:36:00 -0500 http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2010/sep/07/switzerland-england-euro-qualifier-live

Preamble:
Switzerland have not won at home in over a year. It has been over 1000 minutes since one of their strikers scored an international goal. England have better players than them in every position. Conclusion? England should win this match. But, of course, football is seldom that straight-forward, especially with England, even if they did canter through their last qualifying campaign and swatted Bulgaria aside with ease on Friday.

England could win comfortably here but a case can also be made for the home side scrounging a point or even replicating their shocking World Cup success over Spain. The first factor in Switzerland's favour is that Ottmar Hitzfeld is likely to put in place a system designed to slow down the visitors' attacks, compelling them to try penetrating with ingenuity rather than swiftness, and that tends not to be England's thing, though, encouragingly for them, against Bulgaria Wayne Rooney did not appear to be inhibited by the looming exposure of his private life. That shows a form of mental fortitude from England's second most creative player but, in general, England are mentally weak and that, of course, is the second factor in Switzerland's favour. You can never be sure England won't freeze or become frazzled and uncoordinated when the pressure mounts. The lurking sense of collapse is part of what makes watching them strangely addictive, part of the reason that you are tuning in tonight. You are tuning in, aren't you?

Teams:
Switzerland: Benaglio; Lichtsteiner, Grichting, Von Bergen, Ziegler, Margairaz, Inler, Schwegler, Degen, Derdiyok, Frei.
Subs: Wolfli, Affolter, Streller, Padalino, Fernandes, Costanzo, Shaqiri.

England: Hart; G Johnson, Jagielka, Lescott, A Cole; Walcott, Gerrard, Barry, Milner; Rooney, Defoe.
Subs: Foster, Gibbs, Cahill, Carrick, A Johnson, Wright-Phillips, Bent.

Referee: Nicola Rizzoli from Italy, so he, for one, might understand what's being said when Capello speaks.

7:14pm: "Every time my pre-match comment has been published, England win in a dawdle," claims Michael Philip. "A few days ago, in the last mbm, I predicted an enjoyable, carefree performance with at least two or three goals and well, you know how that went. Today I predict a Rooney hat-trick in a 4-1 jaunt." So there you go folks, down to the bookies with you.

Weather report: It's raining ropes in Basle, meaning the conditions are near to perfect for entertaining football. Wind bad, rain good.

7:20pm: Fabio Capello is on a charm offensive on Sky, smiling in as amiable a way that he can muster as he defends himself against accusations that his English skills are to shoddy for him to be able to communicate effectively with his players. "When the results were good, my communication wasn't a problem," he quips. And if you don't like that answer, then maybe Don fabio will come pick you up by the scruff of the neck and hang you from a coat hook, as Ruud Gullit once did to him, according to Carlo Ancelotti.

7:23pm: The rain appears to be getting angrier, progressing to Norwegian black metal levels of heaviness. There'll be some slipping and sliding tonight, and plenty of reason to drill in some testing early low shots.

Update from elsewhere: In the Republic of Ireland's group, Slovakia have surprisingly beaten Russia 1-0 in Moscow. Is that a positive turn-of-events for Ireland? And Belgium are 1-0 up in Turkey.

7:31pm: Status Quo are being blared around the Basel stadium, presumably in an attempt to abort any nascent feelgood factor around England. Meanwhile, someone called Peter Blue isn't feeling too good: "Can someone please explain why Lescott is starting ahead of Cahill?" pleads Peter. I presume it's because he has more experience than Cahill, both of international football and of playing with his former Everton team-mate Jagielka.

Amateur body language appraisal: Joe Hart looks incredibly relaxed, joshing with all around him in the tunnel, including his Swiss counterpart. Rooney just stares expressionless straight ahead, meaning he is very focused, completely detached and forlorn or just staring expressionless straight ahead.

National anthem report: A conservative start from England as they opt for God Save the Queen. Not the most catchy tune, but, in fairness, a blessed relief from Status Quo.

7:42pm: Incredible! The stadium has been destroyed and instantly replaced by a highway upon which drives a sleek automobile that ... oh no, hold on, Sky have just cut to commercials. "OK, I'll bite," reveals Peter Collis. "I Rooney's England's second most creative player, who do you think is first? I'm hoping you're talking about football and not some Sunday Newspaper story I haven't read yet." Gerrard usually makes more happen than Rooney. On the pitch.

1 min: The Swiss get the game rolling. From kick-off they bank a long diagonal ball towards towards England's corner. Lescott shifts across to the left to tidy up.

2 min: Walcott tries to go galloping for the first time but Degen trips him on half-way before he can hit full speed. Freekick to England, no card for the crude Swiss.

3 min: Fine work by Defoe down the right to hold the ball up and bring Johnson into play. The full-back aims a decent cross towards Rooney, who jumps at the back post but just fails to connect.

5 min: Switzerland are not being quite as negative as anticipated, are quick to get men forward when in possession, which has not been often so far. "I feel I have some authority on Switzerland as I recently had to use them for a Guardian Gamesblog organised World Cup on the playstation," announces Silver Fox. "They have decent wingers in Behrami and Barnetta who are both absent tonight and a couple of big lads up front (Frei and N'kufo). Only Frei is playing and that Derdiyok was poor. Somehow I managed to drag their sorry asses to the final built on their legendary defence and nicking the odd goal (a la their win over Spain in the actual world cup). The fact I got walloped 4-0 in the final by Greece is irrelevant ... Anyway, I think it will be difficult to break them down but its the sort of game we win in qualifying but we'd draw at a tournament."

7 min: For the first time in the game Rooney gets some time and space on the ball, just inside the Swiss half. He elects for an early ball in search of Defoe but over-hits it.

GOAL! Switzerland 0-1 England (Rooney 10') A fine, simple goal. Walcott showed strength and intelligence in midfield before picking out Johnson on the overlap. The full-back sent a perfect low cross into the box and Rooney arrived at the edge of the six-yard box to sidefoot it into the net. He barely celebrates, possibly because he's not feeling very jolly at the moment or possibly because Walcott suffered an injury in that move and has been carried off on a stretcher.

12 min: Walcott will not be back. So on comes Adam Johnson. No confirmation yet on the nature or gravity of Walcott's injury. But it's a pity because, in keeping with his season, he had begun this match promisingly.

14 min: England are supremely comfortable at the moment, as the Swiss show no signs of being able to cobble together a comeback.

16 min: England are dominant, hogging the ball ... until Rooney gives it away with an over-ambitious attempted pass to Milner. But as soon as the Swiss venture into England's half, England win the ball back.

18 min: Gerrard shows impressive vision to curl a fine quick ball to Defoe, who would have been in on goal had his control been in order. But it wasn't so the Swiss are reprieved. Meanwhile, Kevin Kilbane, would you believe, has given Ireland the lead in Dublin. Over Andorra, which probably makes it easier for any doubters to swallow.

20 min: A long Swiss ball from the back catches Glen Johnson slightly out of position, allowing Derdiyok to take it down and rumble towards the English box. But he then he runs straight into Jagielka.

22 min: Another sharp incision by England down the right, which is where they are proving most dangerous. The two Johnsons combine before Adam tees up Defoe, who spanks the ball over the bar from 12 yards. He should have done much better.

24 min: England are monopolising possession to such a degree that it seems only an appearance by Cinderella's fairy godmother could enable Switzerland to get to the ball.

26 min: Dainty chip from Rooney to Defoe, but the bounce on the skiddy surface takes it just beyond the striker and into the keeper's arms. Snappy interplay between the two forwards, though.

28 min: Cole joines in the attack and very nearly tees up a goal, his low cross being deflected just out of the reach of Defoe.

29 min: Milner tears down the left and flashes a dangerous cross into the box. Fractionally too far in front of Defoe yet again. The Tottenham man has been buzzing tonight, continually shedding his markers. It seems only a matter of time before he scores. England are in total control and at this rate it wouldn't be surprising if they won by five.

32 min: The more this match goes on, the more shocking Switzerland's win over Spain becomes. "Arsenal players really shouldn't participate in any games that aren't for the club," fumes Rohit Kapur. "I don't know what Wenger's doing there, but the damn physio department needs looking at. Van Persie's out till mid-October now, and now, Theo's gone. Bloody internationals ... How is a club to sail through the season if the damn boat keeps getting holes punctured in all the time?!" I understand your frustration. I was expecting a big season from Samir Nasri but he too has been struck down after a promising beginning, though not on international duty. France, in fact, could do with him in Sarajevo tonight (still 0-0 there, I beleive).

34 min: Walcott update Word from Sky's touchline reporter is that he has been expedited to hospital to have an x-ray on his ankle ...

36 min: The only way Switzerland are going to get back into this is if England gift them a goal ... and Joe Hart has just showing a very slightly ominous sign of complacency by dawdling on the ball before booting clear and was nearly dispossessed by the lunging Swiss forward. That the closest thing England have had to scare in the whole game.

37 mins: Adam Johnson has a blast from about 30 yards and the ball flies a couple of feet over the bar.

38 min: That's a lubberly foul from Barry to concede a freekick on the edge of the English box. It's perhaps at too acute an angle for a shot so Switzerland send five men into the box to await a cross. Frei fizzes it towards the near post, Jagileka gets a head to it - his own, as it happens - and Degen volleys wide from the far side of the box.

40 min: The Swiss threat is growing, albeit from an extraordinarily low base. They've probably had the lion's share of possession over the last couple of minutes are are even starting to look semi-energetic, as opposed to a team that is routinely subjected to Status Quoathons before every home game.

42 min: Rooney and Defoe link up well again, the Manchester United player clipping a pass from the left to the little Spur in the centre. Defoe chests it down, shuffles sideways to create a space for a shot and opens fire, straight at the keeper from 18 yards, alas.

44 min: Adam Johnson runs at the Swiss defence, sowing panic before slipping the ball to Rooney, who beats one defender and then rounds the out-rushing keeper before chippiong the ball into the centre from the by-line. A backtracking defender prevents Defoe from nodding it into the net. "Any chance you're related to Kevin Doyle?" wonders Aidan O'Keefe. "He's just scored a cracker for Ireland with his left peg." I'm delighted to near that becaiuse he regularly performs brilliantly without getting the rewared of a goal, and I'm his mother.

Half-time: England have been very good so far, full of verve and endeavour. The Johnsons have exuded menace down the right, Rooney and Defoe have paired up very well and the home side have hardly had the ball. The only concern has been Walcott's injury and the failure to score a second goal, so far.

Oh for crying out loud: Andorra have just pulled a goal back in Dublin!

"With Nivea being official sponsor, how influential would they be in determining England's unusual blue colour?" wonders Pangeran Siahaan, who might be on to something. Hey, they peddle mosituriser too, don't they? Perhaps they're also responsible for the weather.

46 min: The England fans are crowing loudly as the second period gets underway. Switzerland have made a change, bringing on 18-year-old wunderkind Shaqiri for Margairaz, who was so influential in the first half that I didn't even notice him.

47 min: Rooney forages down the left before picking out Adam Johnson on the far side. Running into the box the City player opts to hit it first time but can't direct his volley on target.

49 min: A wayard ball from Glen Johnson enables Switzerland get a touch. Degen scampers eagerly into the English half before being dispossessed by Cole, whom he then fouls.

51 min: Following their 4-4 home draw with Cyprus at the weekend, Portugal are trailing 1-0 in Norway. And Lithuania are winning the the Czech Republic.

52 min: Inler booms a 25-yard shot 25 yards over. Unless I'm forgetting a previous specimen, that is the home team's first shot.

53 min: In England's group, Montenegro have followed up their victory over Wales by beating Bulgaria in Sofia. Perhaps they are the biggest obstacle to England's qualification?

55 min: Milner words his way down the left and crosses to the centre. It's slightly behind Defoe, who nonetheless chooses to hit it first time, and he skies it.

57 min: The game is going through a glum spell. "I've seen Glen Johnson playing with his hair at least a dozen times on the pitch tonight," carps Phil Wainwright. "Hasn't anybody told him that looking like Whoopi Goldberg isn't always a good thing?"

59 min: Glen Johnson cuts inside and lets fly with a left-footed rasper from 25 yards. The keeper pushes it around the post and Switzerland clear the subsequent corner and hurtle forward. Milner curtails their counter-attack with a crude chop on ... someone whose identity I didn't catch. Milner cops a booking and will miss the next match.

61 min: There are hints of a Swiss revival here, as they begin to compete better in midfield and charge forward coherently when they get the ball. Furthermore, a moment ago, for the second time in the evening Hart looked sloppy, dropping a humdrum cross when under the slightest pressure.

63 min: More wobbles from Hart, who misread a cross and was lucky to see it bounce off his hands and to safety, rather than to a Swiss.

64 min: This is what I was talking about in the preamble: at the first sign of a threat from the opposition, panic spreads throughout England. They botched several attempted clearances in the last 60 seconds and, for the first time in the match, the Swiss fans are becoming buoyant, sensing that an equaliser may not be impossible.

65 min: RED CARD! Lichtsteiner is sent off for a crazy lunge on Milner. Not especially nasty but very late, not to mention unforgivably stupid for someone on a yellow card.

67 min: FRICK! That, or something similar, is what Scottish people all over the world are shouting right now as they hear news that Liechtenstein have taken the lead at Hampden Park! The scorer is named Frick, and Scotland's campaign looks well and truly fricked. In Dublin, Robbie Keane has made it 3-1 to Ireland over Andorra.

GOAL! Switzerland 0-2 England (A Johnson 69') That's a lovely finish from Johnson, who was put through by Gerrard and feinted his way past the keeper before slotting into the empty net. England are safe now for sure. But, just as Walcott was injured in the build-up to their first goal, Defoe suffered an injury in the run-up to that one, and has been taken off on a stretcher. On comes Darren Bent.

GOAL! Switzerland 1-2 England (Shaqiri 71') Er, yes, as I was saying: England are safe now for sure ... unless Shaqiri repeats what he has just done, ie dash past two players and crash the ball into the top corner from 25 yards!

73 min: Fancy a constantly updated gallery of photos from this very match? Of course you do! So go here

75 min: Cole is punished - and booked - after a tackle on Shaqiri by England-s left-hand corner flag. Frei waddles over to take the freekick, with five Swiss awaiting his delivery in the box. Lescott nuts it away.

76 min: Hart makes his most convincing intervention of the evening, surging off his line to punch a dangerous cross well clear.

78 min: England substitution: Wright-Philipps comes on for Rooney, who has performed well tonight. Milner, it seems, will shift into the position in the hole that Rooney had been occupying, allowing Wright-Phillipps to take his place on the flank.

80 min: Wright-Phillips chases a ball down the left-hand channel and then shimmies his way past the defender and sends a low ball across the box to his Manchester City team-mate Johnson, who sidefoots it over the bar from 20 yards.

81 min: Kenny Miller has equalised for Scotland against Liechtenstein. They have 27 minutes to find a winner and escape opprobrium.

83 min: Swiss change: Constanzo on, Schwegler off.

85 min: Streller goes down in the English box in the presence of Jagielka and the ref correctly decides against awarding a penalty despite the desperate pleas of the home fans. England break rapidly forward and find themselves in a two-v-one situation. Bent is in splendid isolation awaiting a tap-in but Wright-Phillips passes straight to the one defender!

GOAL! Switzerland 1-3 England (Bent 88') That's a smart finish from Bent, who received the pass from Cole and drove the ball low into the net with his left foot from 17 yards. The Sunderland striker's first goal for England brings an uncharacteristic grin from Capello on the sideline.

90+1 min: England are just running down the (cuckoo) clock now and the Swiss have neither the inclination nor the ability to do anything about it.

90+3 min: An accomplished, authoritative victory for England, who demonstrated that they are several classes above their hosts. If this was really their most difficult tie, they can book their rooms in Poland/Ukraine already. Thank you for choosing to follow it here on guardian.co.uk. Please come again.

• Euro 2012
• England
• Switzerland

]]> http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2010/sep/08/psychologists-killer-dance-moves-men Wed, 08 Sep 2010 03:58:00 -0500 http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2010/sep/08/psychologists-killer-dance-moves-men

Psychologists have used avatars to pinpoint the killer moves that can make men great dancers

The enduring mystery of why men rarely flatter themselves when they take to the dancefloor may finally have been solved.

A team of psychologists used video footage of men strutting their stuff to pinpoint the killer moves that separate good dancers from bad.

Men who were judged to be good dancers had a varied repertoire and more moves that involved tilting and twisting the torso and neck.

But the majority of men displayed highly repetitive moves that used their arms and legs, but not the rest of their bodies.

"It's rare that someone is described as a good dancer if they are flinging their arms about but not much else," said Nick Neave, a psychologist at the University of Northumbria, who led the study.

"Think about a head banger. Their head movement has a large amplitude, but it's not changing direction or showing any kind of variability. That's a bad dancer. Or someone who is just twisting and turning left and right? That's a bad dancer too."

While features such as body shape and facial symmetry are well known indicators of healthy development, a person's dance moves may send out more subtle clues about their potential as a mate, Neave said.

Neave's team recruited 19 male volunteers aged between 18 and 35 and asked them to dance to a simple drum beat in front of a video camera for 30 seconds. To capture the dance moves, 38 infra-red reflectors were attached to their clothing. These produce bright spots that allow the movement of every limb and joint to be tracked and studied in detail.

The researchers used software to transfer each man's dance routine to an avatar on a computer screen. This ensured that the judges ranked the dancers according to their moves and not their height, looks or other physical features.

The dancers were judged by 37 straight women, also aged 18 to 35, who watched the avatar perform 15 seconds of each man's routine before ranking them on a scale of one to seven, where one was very bad dancing.

"The head, neck and upper body come out as the key features that are important for good dancing and that surprised us," said Neave, whose study is published in the journal Biology Letters. "When you see brilliant dancers, you'll see their bodies, heads and necks are all doing ever so slightly different things in time to the music."

Will Brown, a psychologist at the University of East London, said more work was needed to disentangle why dancing is attractive and its biological significance.

"When you have so much movement data from a relatively small sample of dancers, you might get chance associations between certain moves and dance attractiveness," he said.

"Flexing the trunk while dancing may be attractive, but we need to show it is indicative of a better quality male using an independent measure of biological quality."

Neave said his group is working through the results of blood tests on the men, which appear to show that the better dancers are healthier.

• Psychology
• Reproduction
• Biology
• Dance

]]> http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2010/sep/08/cambridge-worlds-best-university-harvard Wed, 08 Sep 2010 03:51:00 -0500 http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2010/sep/08/cambridge-worlds-best-university-harvard

US college knocked off top spot for first time in seven years, while UK institutions 'struggle to compete on funding'
• Get the full list

Both of them have earned fistfuls of Nobel prizes, have educated enough statesmen to table a string of international summits, and inspired eminent scientists, philosophers and poets.

But Harvard today forfeits first place to Cambridge in a league table of the world's top universities, the first time in the list's seven year history that the Ivy League institution has been knocked off the number one spot.

British universities made a strong showing, with University College London, Oxford and Imperial all appearing in the top 10, while King's College London and Edinburgh appeared in the top 25.

American institutions dominate the list, however, taking 31 out of the top 100 places in the QS world university rankings. The list also features 15 Asian universities, lead by the University of Hong Kong at 23. The QS table is based on measures of research quality, graduate employability, teaching and how international the faculties and student bodies are.

Harvard, which takes its name from John Harvard, an alumnus of Cambridge who was its first benefactor, was still most popular among the 5,000 employers polled worldwide.

However, Cambridge was voted best for research quality in a survey of 15,000 academics. It has an outstanding pedigree: famous minds who pushed back the frontiers of knowledge there include Newton, Darwin and Wittgenstein. Cambridge took overall first place in the rankings, which also use citation counts from a database of academic publishing.

Professor Steve Young, senior pro-vice-chancellor at the University of Cambridge, said: "While university league tables tend to over-simplify the range of achievements at institutions, it is particularly pleasing to note that the excellence of the transformative research – research that changes people's lives – carried out at Cambridge is so well regarded by fellow academics worldwide."

A Harvard spokesman said: "Harvard University is always honoured to be recognised among such high calibre institutions of higher learning. However, we also continue to believe it is important that students select the college or university that best suits their individual needs."

John O'Leary, executive member of the QS academic advisory board, blamed a hiring freeze for Harvard losing its top spot. "Cambridge has gone top because it has improved its citations. Harvard has taken more students and had a hiring freeze amongst its academics. That's the reason these two have swapped around."

The impressive showing of British and US universities is because English is the favoured language of academia, O'Leary said. "In general terms, UK universities, like American ones, benefit from being English-speaking. If you're publishing in a language most researchers aren't using, you're not going to be picked up and cited ... in the mainstream journals."

However, a report by the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) released yesterday shows the UK lagging behind competitors in public investment in higher education. The sector is facing cuts of more than £1bn by the end of 2013. The share of public spending in British higher education is 0.7% of GDP, below the OECD average of 1%, and places Britain behind the US, Canada, Sweden, Germany, Poland and Slovenia.

Announcing the OECD's results in London, Andreas Schleicher, the head of its indicators and analysis division, said Finland, Canada and Japan were now major players in higher education. "For many years the UK was very much at the forefront," he said. "But now you do not see that competitive advantage."

The vice-chancellors' body, Universities UK, questioned how long the country's higher education system could maintain its world-class position in the field given its comparative "under-investment".

The Times Higher Education magazine, which is publishing its own global university rankings next week, is no longer collaborating with QS. It is concerned that the careers advice company's rankings rely too heavily on subjective surveys of scholars and employers, and not enough on hard indicators of excellence. The THE's rankings are expected to contain disappointing news for some prestigious British institutions.

Ben Sowter, head of research at QS, said: "Unlike other rankings systems which rely heavily on statistical indicators of university research, QS also takes into account the most up-to-date views of employers and academics, reflecting the broader interests of students and parents. QS rankings reflect the highly competitive environment of global higher education."

The QS rankings are weighted 40% to academic reputation, 10% to employability, 20% to citations, 20% to the staff-student ratio and give a further 10% weighting to how international the make-up of the faculty and student body is.

Dr Wendy Piatt, the director general of the Russell Group of research-intensive universities, which includes Oxford and Cambridge, said: "We are pleased these latest figures show that Russell Group universities still rank among the world's leading universities. However, two health warnings should be heeded. First, this latest league table, like all others, has its limitations and there can be no single correct way of measuring university performance or quality.

"Second, our world-class status is under threat from other countries who are ploughing billions into their top institutions in a determined bid to overtake the UK in the rankings. Data released by the OECD only yesterday shows once again that UK leading universities are already under-resourced in comparison with their international competitors. But now, while our competitors are investing in their future skills and knowledge base, UK universities are threatened with further cuts which will make it more difficult than ever to maintain their world-class status.

"Not only North America but, increasingly, countries like China and Korea are investing massively in their universities and as a result their best institutions are rising rapidly up international rankings."

Cambridge

Founded in 1209 when scholars taking refuge from hostile townspeople in Oxford migrated to Cambridge. King Henry III took the scholars under his protection in 1231. Peterhouse, the first college, was set up by the Bishop of Ely in 1284.

Location Cambridge, England.

Famous alumni Wordsworth, Coleridge, Byron, Milton, Isaac Newton, Charles Darwin, Charles Babbage.

In numbers 11,815 students, including 1,257 from overseas, 1,590 academic staff.

Fees This year, the tuition fees for British and EU undergraduates are £3,290 a year on all courses.

Harvard

Founded in 1636 by a vote of the Great and General Court of the Massachusetts Bay Colony, the local legislature. Named after first benefactor John Harvard, a minister and Cambridge alumnus who bequeathed his library and half his estate to Harvard.

Location Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Famous alumni TS Eliot, John Updike, Barack Obama, John F Kennedy, Franklin Roosevelt, Alfred Kinsey, Robert Oppenheimer.

In numbers About 6,700 students at Harvard college, 2,100 faculty members and more than 10,000 academic appointments in affiliated teaching hospitals.

Fees For 2009-10, tuition fees were $33,696.

• University of Cambridge
• Higher education
• University funding
• University teaching
• Lecturers
• United States

]]> http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2010/sep/07/switzerland-england-euro-2012 Tue, 07 Sep 2010 16:06:00 -0500 http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2010/sep/07/switzerland-england-euro-2012

England dominated much of this Euro 2012 qualifer yet still needed endurance after the injured Theo Walcott and Jermain Defoe were both borne away on stretchers. An eventually spirited Switzerland even reduced the deficit despite having Stephan Lichtsteiner sent off, but Darren Bent, following an Ashley Cole pass, then scored his first international goal. That excellent drive in the 88th minute granted his team the sense of comfort they had deserved after a show of authority that was sustained from the early moments.

Wayne Rooney is scarcely the type to go into hiding merely because of the coverage of his private life. He could have done no more to claim prominence than to put England into the lead after 10 minutes with his first international goal since September 2009. Glen Johnson's cut-back was turned in by the Manchester United player, but the move had been initiated by Walcott. The Arsenal attacker then continued into the goalmouth, where he took a blow to the right ankle in the general melee.

The winger was carried from the pitch and there had to be concerns for him although he sat up and looked composed while being ferried to the tunnel en route to a hospital X-ray. Adam Johnson came on to fill the vacancy and it was a promising post to inherit. Given the emphasis put on that flank Fabio Capello had seen weakness in the Sampdoria full-back Reto Ziegler. With 21 minutes gone, Johnson tore free in that area, only for Jermain Defoe to send the cut-back over the bar.

• Gerrard hails 'terrific' Rooney in England win
• Richard Williams: Rooney has a new purpose
• Paul Hayward: Why so much has changed for Capello
• Dominic Fifield: Five things we learned about England
• In Pictures: The best moments from the game

Whatever else went missing at the World Cup, Capello did not lose his boldness permanently. England were imbued with it before the interval here.

It was breathtaking for the Italian to prefer Joleon Lescott to either Gary Cahill or Matthew Upson, with the West Ham United defender looking a candidate for imminent rejection from England affairs.He was again denied a seat on the bench just as he had been last Friday in the win over Bulgaria. The return from injury of Rio Ferdinand or John Terry would probably complete the banishment. Lescott could have been surprised by the opportunity since he was making his first competitive start for his country since the leisurely 6-0 defeat of Andorra in June of last year.

The rationale was soon apparent when the athletic Lescott concentrated on dealing with Eren Derdiyok, the more powerful of the opposition's strikers. The plan looked sound and was being implemented confidently, but there might have been a little regret the opposition's disquiet was not exploited fully.

Switzerland are normally a secure side and neither they nor the home fans could quite come to terms with the degree of jeopardy, yet they stayed in contention and showed some modest signs of life on the verge of the interval. Shortly before that England had begun to make enquiries on their left flank. In the space of a few moments Ashley Cole and then James Milner could not quite set up Defoe when he was well-placed and unmarked.

Even so the confidence of England's work then had been creditable as well as exciting. A lot of attention was paid to the defeat of Spain by Otmar Hitzfeld's squad at this year's World Cup, but the deeper insight into Switzerland's worth lay in the qualifiers for that competition. The Swiss beat their closest rivals Greece in both matches and though their defensive organisation is well known, they also scored 18 times in their 10 matches. England impressed in the first half by making such strong defensive traits look extinct in their opponents.

Otmar Hitzfeld deserves his renown, but relieving Switzerland of their sense of inferiority was quite a task for the manager. Introducing the teenager Xherdan Shaqiri might almost have gone unnoticed although he was later to strike.

Rooney was soon making further inroads although Adam Johnson's attempt to convert the cross with a first-time miscue that sent the ball behind. Capello's only concern would have been that the opposition might start to feel relieved that their situation was not beyond recovery

Endurance has been their key trait under Hitzfeld. England had been buoyant for an hour and that period ended with Glen Johnson's low shot from distance being tipped round the post by Diego Benaglio. Switzerland then began to find enterprise as they stretched England's defence, but Hitzfeld's team were then reduced to 10 men.

With 65 minute gone, the right-back Lichtsteiner brought down James Milner to receive a second yellow card from the Italian referee Nicola Rizzoli. England's command looked misleadingly complete when Steven Gerrard put Adam Johnson through and the Manchester City player took the ball away from Benaglio before finishing.

England, who lost Defoe to injury, were not truly in control and the Shaqiri cut the deficit with a marvellous drive from distance.

• Euro 2012
• England
• Switzerland

]]> http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2010/sep/07/england-pakistan-2010-england-cricket-team Tue, 07 Sep 2010 14:41:00 -0500 http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2010/sep/07/england-pakistan-2010-england-cricket-team

England bowl Pakistan out for 89 in Cardiff on the way to sealing a one-sided 2-0 series victory

5.26pm: Hello and welcome to live coverage of this eagerly anticipated low-scoring, slow-outfield cracker between the world champions and the last world champions. First: the bad news. It has been raining in Cardiff and the start is likely to be delayed. And if you're expecting any good news to sweeten that bitter pill I'm afraid I don't have any apart from a grudgingly optimistic forecast.

I will be back with more shortly. In the meantime why not check out our peerless county blog.

5.31pm: And the very latest is that it's stopped raining. The covers are still on but there is a cautious leer of hope about the place.

5.39pm: The Guardian's voice of cricket Mike Selvey has just pointed out on the county blog that there are more people warming up on the outfield than there are ready to watch from the stands in Cardiff. It is a sorry thing. And some good news now: the toss will shortly take place and the start of play is likely to be sooner than we might have thought.

5.43pm: Collingwood tosses. Afridi calls right (heads) and Pakistan will bat first. Afridi promises to send the sloggers in early: himself, Razzaq and - less so - Umar Akmal. The plan is to get after Yardy and Swann so plenty of fun in store. Wahab Riaz is out and Mohammed Hafeez is in to bowl spin and bat.

5.51pm: England are unchanged and it looks like we will start on time so well done Cardiff. Very much looking forward to the souped-up Pakistan aggression at the top of the order, and surely the right approach from Afridi, or at least a very Afridi-like approach from Afridi who is one of my all-time favourite cricketers, albeit not really for much of his cricket.

5.59pm: The Pakistan openers are in the middle and Cardiff looks a picture. Not perhaps the nicest picture. But still a kind of picture. Ryan Sidebottom will open the bowling from his highly fashionable tricky left arm angle.

1st over: Pakistan 11-0 (Kamran Akmal 11, Shahzaib Hasan 0) The second ball of the match is over-pitched and a little wide and Akmal blasts it nicely over cover for four, scything across the line of the ball inside to out. Kieswetter then fields at deep square leg as he works one off his hip. Always love seeing a wicket keeper field. They're often top drawer. No real swing or seam yet for Sidebottom and the short ball isn't really working either as he bangs one in an Kamran hooks it for four very nicely. A quick ball, 90mph, but that disappeared. Excellent start for Pakistan and their massively swiping keeper-batsman

2nd over: Pakistan 13-1 (Mohammed Yousuf 1, Shahzaib Hasan 1) The likeably bustling Bresnan comes grimacing in from the other end and he's right on the money straight away, bowling nice and straight and just back of a length on middle and leg. Bit of drizzle out there too but still quite light. And oh look WICKET! Akmal c Swann b Bresnan 11 (Pakistan 11-1) that line has tempted Akmal into a heave to a ball that wasn't quite there for the shot and instead of pulling it for six he pulls it way up in the air and is caught at deep midwicket. That was a very meek dismissal, Akaml cracking under the pressure of a couple of dot balls and what a terrible summer he has had. Mohammed Yousuf comes in and as ever is a much needed piece of ballast at the top of that order. Bresnan greets him with a lovely yorker that he just about digs out - always England's plan to him.

3rd over: Pakistan 16-1 (Mohammed Yousuf 2, Shahzaib Hasan 3) Broad is on for Sidebottom who got just one over and he starts with a sharp short ball to the man they call Mo Yo. He ducks. You always know what you're going to get with England now in this format, no secrets there, but no one seems to know what to do about it. Next ball Yousuf is dropped by Morgan, a back foot drive off a short wide ball that bursts through Morgan's hand head high at point. That is a really bad drop I'm afraid. Broad responds with a couple of 90mph+ short ball that Shahzaib doesn't really deal with very well. An empty Cardiff applauds quietly. And Andy Bradshaw writes: "Dear lord, do Glamorgan have no shame, not only have they whored their stadium out to SWALEC, but 2 of the stands are called Regent Cleaning Members Stand & the Biffa Stand."

4th over: Pakistan 19-2 (Umar Akmal 1, Shahzaib Hasan 3) More short stuff from Bresnan and it's a WICKET! Yousuf c Bopara b Bresnan 4 (Pakistan 18-2) as the old fellow hooks one in the air to deep midwicket, a flatter dismissal than Kamran but right to the man. Umar Akmal is the new man and he's away with a one that should have been two if he hadn't dropped his bat at the non-striker's end. It has been that kind of tour all round. Phil Sawyer muses: "Looks like the OBO attendance tonight is as low as the crowd in Cardiff. So, do you reckon you drew the short straw watching this tonight instead of the football or is it actually a blessed relief?" This is fine by me. Plus I suspect we'll be finished for the second half. Good old Pakistan.

5th over: Pakistan 22-4 (Umar Akmal 1, Hafeez 0) Broad carries on with his straight back of a length stuff and - blimey - second ball it works again WICKET! Shahzaib c Davies b Broad 3 (Pakistan 20-3) as Shahzaib has a wild pull at an 89mph short one and gloves a simple catch to Davies. It is well-directed short stuff, this, but the batting is incredibly limp. Pakistan are literally hurling their wickets away with some wild swipes of the bat. And, er, now Afridi has come in. He wafts horribly at his first ball without moving his feet and misses it. 92.5mph from Broad. Afridi then spoons a short ball up in the air but safe to get off the mark. But oh cripes, the next ball is an attempted swat over point that simply flies up in the air and it's a WICKET! Afridi c Morgan b Broad 2 (Pakistan 22-4) as Morgan pouches an even simpler one this time. That is absolutely brainless cricket from the skipper and Pakistan are already in a terrible hole.

6th over: Pakistan 23-4 (Umar Akmal 1, Hafeez 1) More eager thundering fast-medium from the irrepressibly chummy Bresnan, his boyish features contorted with affable menace. He is a very good T20 bowler, all very straight and very hard to get away as Pakistan finally realise they might have to build something here. Five dot balls to start the over as Hafeez defends and then he whips one off his legs to get off the mark. The pitch looks fine and this already looks like a woeful, overly pumped-up top order implosion from Pakistan.

7th over: Pakistan 26-4 (Umar Akmal 3, Hafeez 3) Broad continues his rough house double act with Bresnan and it's more quick straight short-ish stuff, well-directed and entirely to order, perhaps the way the Terminator would bowl in Twenty20, straight up and down and robotically hostile. Some meagre singles are pinched before the last ball is defended from Akmal's throat, a 90mph bouncer that frankly left no other option. Broad has 2-0-9-2. Brilliant bowling.

8th over: Pakistan 27-4 (Umar Akmal 3, Hafeez 4) Yardy comes in to bowl his round arm left arm bungers, firing it in at 60mph. On Sky commentary Nasser Hussain says "to be honest I don't think Pakistan have a clue what they're doing right now" as Hafeez paddle sweeps a single off the last ball after defending the first five. Clare A Davies seems a bit cross about something: "Evening Barney – good to see the OBO faithful are supporting tonight's highly anticipated clash of the current and past World T20 Champions. By the time you get this, I'm sure Naylor will have sent in a devastating analysis of what the **** Afridi thinks he's doing.
Still, at least none of us have coughed up £30-£55 of our hard-earned to be there. Chin up, it'll be over soon as even the threat of rain has apparently passed." Leave him alone. At times he's all we've got.

9th over: Pakistan 35-4 (Umar Akmal 9, Hafeez 5) Swann comes on to bowl and Umar Akmal again attacks him, coming down the pitch to thrash wildly over long off for a big six. That was pure hitting talent and off his first ball from England's main man too. What a lovely player he is. Joe Link writes: "Following the game from San Francisco where I'm visiting the family and it is mid-morning and 75 degrees already. My choices are 1) Continue to follow the game or 2) Go outside and fill the skip with the soil from where I've been digging the drains out. Usually no contest, but I'm in two minds. Makes me wonder what options that are usually no-goers become acceptable due to the lack of interest because of the poor performance of Pakistan?"

10th over: Pakistan 38-4 (Umar Akmal 11, Hafeez 6) That's not fair. I have to do this. But here's Yardy to brighten up our evening with his fizzed left-armers. Appeal for a stumping as Akmal misses a sweep but it's not out. Just two off the over and we're half way through here. time to get a shift on. In a sensible, not-losing-wickets kind of way.

11th over: Pakistan 45-5 (Abdul Razzaq 1, Hafeez 6) Swann carries on and once again Akmal runs down the pitch - really runs - and smashes him over long on for six. But wait. The next ball it's a WICKET! Akmal b Swann 18 (Pakistan 44-5) as Swann tosses the ball even higher and utterly does him in the flight as he looks to wallop over cover. Really good bowling there and Akmal is off slamming his bat into the ground having been brilliantly deceived. That was a really great Twenty20 over from Swann.

12th over: Pakistan 47-5 (Abdul Razzaq 3, Hafeez 7) Yardy carries on, earnestly rumbling in to bowl his horrible things. The last ball of the over is a 65mph dart on middle and leg thrt Razzaq barely plays at as it thumps into his pad. What a greta pair of spinners these two are in this form of the game. so focused and consistent. Clare Davies corrects: "Hey Barney. I'm not at all cross – except at the simple fact that I was hoping for a nail-biting, edge-of-the-seat match tonight which hardly seems likely right now." Quite.

13th over: Pakistan 50-5 (Abdul Razzaq 3, Hafeez 7) Jim Sykes writes: "Loads of comments about how bad Pakistan are but how much credit can we give England? From your OBO it sounds like the bowling has been spot on so far." True, they have been good, but pakistan are so brittle. The least bit of pressure and they crumble like a wafer thin meringue bludgeoned with a claw hammer. Swann carries on bowling brilliantly accurately and, apparently, with a semi-doosra in there, or something that spins on and almost has Razzak out stumped.

14th over: Pakistan 55-5 (Abdul Razzaq 4, Hafeez 14) Yardy again as England rush through these middle overs, but Hafeez finally gets a boundary off his 28th delivery flogging a short one through cover and smartly to the fence. He than has a go at running down the pitch but Yardy bowls a short fats half tracker and he just pats it back. Yardy has finished now. His figures: 4-0-9-0. This is, remember, a Twenty20 match. And Phil Sawyer is talking my language: "I'd like to officially declare my man love for Graeme Swann (even though it feels like I'm somehow being unfaithful to Collingwood behind his back). Bowling with such attacking flight the ball after being smacked for six? It makes me go all giddy."

15th over: Pakistan 63-7 (Abdul Razzaq 6, Umar Gul 2) Swann bowls again and straight away it's a WICKET! Hafeez run out (Swann) 14 (Pakistan 55-6) as Hafeez tries a reverse paddle that runs away off his thigh to Sidebottom at backward square leg and his throw catches Hafeez short, with Swann gathering it and taking the bails off. Hafeez was practically on the floor when Razzaq called that. Terrible running and Razzaq now owes his country a few swipes. The new man is Fawad Alam and oh look WICKET! Alam c Davies b Swann 0 (Pakistan 56-7) well caught by the keeper first ball as he plays a nothing back foot drive at a not-too-short ball. This is a terrible batting performance from a team who seem to wish they weren't there at all. Albeit, some lovely bowling in there from Swann with plenty of rip. He has 4-0-27-2.

16th over: Pakistan 71-7 (Abdul Razzaq 6, Umar Gul 8) Sidebottom comes back on after his sole opening over went for 11 and he kicks off with a wide. England have been very good at this game in the last few months, but what has Sidebottom's part in that really been? He seems to fit the plan with his angle but it's still a bit baffling that he has somehow become a Twenty20 specialist. All very sleepy out there for the end of a T20 thrash. You can hear individual drunken Welsh shouts from the crowd and even the waffle through the stump mic is alarmingly clear. Umar Gul does his best, top edging a pull over the keeper's head for four in mildly amusing fashion. He then swats a single to long on and holds the shot as though he's just smote the mnightiest six ever witnessed in South Wales (a record perhaps held by Vivi Richards).

17th over: Pakistan 80-7 (Abdul Razzaq 7, Umar Gul 16) Oh yes Umar Gul!, A wonderful pulled six into the crowd at square leg, an effortless shuffling waist-high pirouette, like a right-handed David Gower. Broad responds with a back of a length 93mph brute that he bunts away for one. Razzaq is standing pretty much on his stumps waiting for the short one and he plays that lovely pull again, this time for one. He does at least have a plan though, and England have yet to read it and bowl a toe-crusher. The final ball of the over sees Razzaq given not out for a catch down the leg side when he had clearly hit it. Could this be the turning point for Pakistan?

18th over: Pakistan 85-9 (Akhtar 0, Ajmal 0) Sidebottom carries on with an odd-job of 90mph full balls and slow short ones, halted only by Gul changing his bat mid-over, pausing to try out one or two before choosing a meaty-looking Boom Boom number. Razzaq finally openes up with a scythed square drive for four that beats the diving man on the boundary. But it's followed by a WICKET! Razzaq c Yardy b Sidebottom 11 (Pakistan 85-8) and that is that - 20 balls for Razzaq's 11 and Akhtar is in to see if Pakistan can make a hundred. Nest ball it's another WICKET! Gul c Bopara b Sidebottom 16 (Pakistan 85-9) as Bopara makes good ground and takes an excellent catch off the midwicket boundary as Gul goes to hook again. The hat-trick ball is full and wide and Ajmal defends fearfully. What a terrible card this is: top score 17 and a slew of batsmen out attempting to waft and pull at short balls.

19th over: Pakistan 89-9 (Akhtar 4, Ajmal 0) Akhtar gets a short one from Bresnan right away. Well, you would wouldn't you? Quite unlikely Bresnan is going to have to face him after all. The next ball is full and Akhtar muscles a wondrous drive through cover for four. Akhtar tries the same again two balls later and it's a final WICKET! Akhtar b Bresnan 4 (Pakistan 89 all out) as Bresnan bowls full and straight and hits the middle stump half way up. That is that: Pakistan have subsided limply here and England need 90 to win in quick time.

Change of innings. Pakistan all out 89. England need 90 to win.
Well, that was frankly appalling. Good bowling by England, but confirmation that Pakistan are simply not there mentally and this series is short-changing everyone who has paid to see it. What a rabble. I am tempted to say they shouldn't be asked to tour again for some time, but I do still have such high hopes for Pakistani cricketers. So much talent: and then this.

Marie Meyer is, at least, not quite in despair yet. "Anyone else think Sidey's facial hair is making him look like Barry Gibb?" Still Tommy-era Roger Daltrey for me. Imagine though the shock from isolation - when he suddenly can hear and speak and see...

Pakistan are warming up. They desperately need to come out strong and at least take a few wickets. There are some fine bowlers here: Gul has been unplayable in the past. Akhtar looked too much for Keiswetter the other day. You never know. Except that you do, really, on this occasion.

England's openers are out there looking eager and Akhtar is grinning and winking and marking out his run.

Mad Murr points out: "To be fair to Pakistan, their paltry 89 in this game is still higher than some of their test inning scores on this tour, so perhaps its really not so bad ...." It is all relative. And this was quicker at least.

1st over: England 5-0 (Kieswetter 1, Davies 4) Kieswetter gets right in behind his first ball as well he might because this man could easily get him dropped from England's Twenty20 team if he fails to deal with that slingy express pace. 92mph from Akhtar and some good bounce too.Kieswetter is off the mark with a flicked one to leg and now England's other wicketkeeper is on strike and he flicks a legstump half volley for an aerial four that Umar Akmal might have got a hand on there at square leg. Well put away though. Clare Davies writes: "Vivi Richards Barney? Is this your way of showing your man love for the great man? Or just to show the close and intimate terms on which you are with him?" Er, no. Just he played for Glamorgan. In Wales.

2nd over: England 24-0 (Kieswetter 16, Davies 7) Umar Gul, freshly lauded by me, starts with a no ball, a terrible sin in this form of the game. Kieswetter steps away and hits it over cover for six - a lovely strike that just flies away into the night sky. Phil Sawyer also likes a bit of Akhtar with his Swann: "Could I also say how pleasing it's been to see Shoaib bowling again. The last of the golden age of truly great fast bowlers?" He is just a really fascinating character too - not built to bowl at all, but does just love running in and flinging it down. A friend of mine once faced him in the nets in Pakistan for a journalistic experience. He said Akhar bowled like lightning at him and kept grinning as the ball crashed into various parts of his body. Kieswetter hoicks Gul for a legside four and I'm glad he's playing aggressively, as he does again with a lovely cover driven four. 19 off the over and it's more of the same here.

3rd over: England 26-2 (Collingwood 0, Bopara 0) Davies takes Akhtar again, working another two off his hip and forcing Shoaib to go round the wicket to him - actually more to do with the footholds. And it works straight away WICKET! Davies c U Akmal b Akhtar 9 (England 26-1) as he clips a ball in the air straight to square leg where it's a simple catch for Umar. And guess what? Next ball it's another WICKET! Kieswetter run out (U Akmal) 16 (England 26-2) as Umar throws down the stumps from point. That was entirely Kieswetter's own fault as Bopara sent him back very early, he was backing up too far and the throw was brilliant. Collingwood is in now and in no kind of form. David Keech writes: "Here in Ohio, I have more choices than Joe Link (Pakistan, Ov. 9). Three hours ahead of USA West Coast it is mid afternoon, 93F (approx. 30C) and I am sitting out on my deck wearing not a lot. I can listen to the T20 via TMS, follow the OBO, watch the tennis on ESPN3 (online) or watch England's match in Switzerland (ESPN3). What should I do?" Maybe put some clothes on.

4th over: England 30-2 (Collingwood 2, Bopara 1) Umar Gul again and Collingwood is off the mark with a single from a midfield by Umar Akmal, he of the brilliant fielding not so long ago. now what can Ravi do here? A chance for a nice little feisty 40 not out perhaps. the problem Pakistan have is that batting second England have no scoreboard pressure at all. They can simply dig in and nurdle singles as Collingwood does right away. John Starbuck is sympathetic: "It must be pretty tough for Pakistan coming up against the World Champions anyway, let alone when their team has been chopped about and they've had so little practice in what we call an English summer. Whose idea was that for getting some play under their belts? Is his name really Mad? (1st over)." Apparently so. It may simply be an internet "nickname".

5th over: England 32-2 (Collingwood 4, Bopara 1) Shoaib continues, having induced some mild panic in the last over,but he has a pair of proper Test Match calibre top order batsmen out there now and the express pace should be easier to start against for these two. Having said that Collingwood goes for his trademark flip-swivel-pull and gets one that thunks meatily into the midriff. Shoaib enjoyed that. Every quicker ball is up and over 90mph and the old dog can still do it, even if he is hobbling a bit now and pouring with sweat already. And Kat Petersen - the female KP - is just saying: "David Keech (3rd over) is a classic example of that old difference between men and women... I'm working, drinking G&T, watching some awful TV show about pregnant teenagers (housemate's choice) and following the OBO and MBM simultaneously. And writing e-mails. Just saying."

6th over: England 35-2 (Collingwood 6, Bopara 2) Ajmal is on bowling round the wicket and his first ball is a huge shout for lbw against Bopara but it pitched outside leg stump. I'm not sure Bopara plays spin that well despite being wristy etc, he does seem a bit loose against it. Here he works a legside single as Afridi fails to make a diving stop. And that is the end of the Powerplay, for what it's worth (not really much here).

7th over: England 46-2 (Collingwood 14, Bopara 3) Akhtar to Bopara and the first ball is a lovely thing that seams away and beats Bopara. Akhtar looks agonised, either because he thought he'd got his man or because he's totally knackered already after three overs. His hair is literally sopping with sweat. And what a shot by Collingwood - skipping down the pitch (note: to Shoaib Akhtar) and flipping him over midwicket for six. That was more like the IPL-version Collingwood. A misfield in the deep by Shahzaib and Akhtar yells at him angrily. He is not only soaking wet but absolutely distraught out there. Dan Lucas demurs: ""Shoaib... has a pair of proper Test Match calibre top order batsmen out there now." WHAT?? I'm pretty sure that's Ravi Bopara out there." Three Test Match hundreds. Oozes class. Ravi is a proper player. The openers are both wicketkeepers.

8th over: England 53-2 (Collingwood 20, Bopara 4) Ajmal continues and Collingwood plays an old-fashioned stand-up back-cut like the ghost of Jack Hobbs and they run four as Razzaq chases it miles into the far corner and unfurls a dive. This is now simply a matter of knocking them off however you like. Twenty can appear quite silly - and in fact pointless - at times.

9th over: England 56-2 (Collingwood 21, Bopara 6) Afridi comes on to bowl to Bopara and they continue to work and nurdle some yawn-worthy singles - you can't really blame these two for this, given neither have many runs for England recently. What's Bopara going to do? Get himself out stumped or caught at long-on?

10th over: England 59-3 (Morgan 1, Bopara 7) Ajmal carries on and he's got a WICKET! Collingwood c Hafeez b Ajmal 21 (England 57-3) as Collingwood again fails to read, or at least deal with, the doosra. He's out caught at slip as he was in the Tests and Pakistan are at least making some inroads here. However The Finisher is now in. Is this exciting yet? I'm not totally sure. On the whole I think: no.

11th over: England 63-4 (Morgan 1, Yardy 0) Bopara continues to look nervous and very much like a player worried about his place in the team as Afridi fires down his leg-break mortars. Some relief with a horrible short ball that Bopara puts away on the pull very nicely. But wait - next ball is a quicker one he tries to pull at again and WICKET! Bopara lbw b Afridi 12 (England 63-4) Bopara is out pulling and missing and hit on the pad, perhaps a little high but perhaps not. And Sara Torvalds is multi-sporting: "I'm with Kat (3rd over), people should be able to follow more than one sport at any given time. Which brings me to the fact that Finland is only 2-1 down against the Netherlands at half-time, which I personally think qualifies as a victory after a 2-0 defeat to Moldova the other day."

12th over: England 68-4 (Morgan 6, Yardy 0) Hafeez comes on to bowl his knocked-off Saqlain-style off-breaks and Morgan hits him back over his head for a muscular one bounce four second ball. He just looks so cool and calm in this kind of cricket - so different to his nervy white-clothing persona. Akmal shouts "Well done Hafeez" from behind the stumps, which seems a bit formal.

13th over: England 80-4 (Morgan 13, Yardy 1) A bit of flight from Afridi and Morgan unfurls that laser-guided cover drive, finding the gap and running a three to the long bit of the outfield. And here's Yardy doing his ludicrous-but-effective leap-about batting. He finagles a single and Morgan cuts hard for four, after which Afridi decides to bowl a bouncer at roughly Mark Ealham-ish pace, 78mph. Morgan ducks and it goes away for four byes but a lovely surprise ball if you can do it. England just need ten to win now.

14th over: England 90-4 (Morgan 18, Yardy 5) Hafeez to Morgan again and again he whacks the ball down the ground where there are no fielders for a simple but effective one-bounce four. It is all extremely sombre and quiet out there now, although the crowd wake up as Yardy cuts through cover and England run four to win the game and the series 2-0.

England win by six wickets and win the series 2-0.

Well, there we go. What a terrible anti-climax of a Twenty20 match. Credit to England for some excellent hostile tight bowling and I suppose Pakistan fought back a bit in the end, but really you knew who was going to win this from the 5th over of the match. We're back with the ODI series next week and hoping for a bit more of a tussle. Thanks for all your emails. Barney.

• England v Pakistan 2010
• England cricket team
• Pakistan cricket team

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